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This post is partly to discourage others from acting like my dad, and partly asking for help on how I can deal with him.

My 74 year old dad disappeared for a long time on the weekend and my mom didn't know where he went. Hearing this, I immediately suspected that he was going around socializing and having fun; it's been clear since day one that he is not concerned about the virus. It seems I was right. My dad had gone to visit friends and had a social gathering (several people were there; a party) and then he visited 2 to 3 different small stores. All of these were non-essential shopping and the whole day was really just meant as fun activities for himself, not important tasks, and not even to buy things my mom needed!

I told him that this makes me nervous and reminded him the government's advice: we are all supposed to avoid non essential outings and avoid gatherings with close proximity. I said this puts others in the household (notably my mom, who's in worse health) at risk. In response, he yelled at me a bunch and got very aggressive, to the point my mom stepped in and begged us not to fight.

He yelled, and these are almost exact quotes: "I'll do what I want! Don't tell me what to do in my own house! I don't have to answer to you!"

Flustered, I texted a few friends of mine. Amazingly, about half of my friends reported similar situations with their own dads in their 60s and 70s who refuse to change their behaviours. So I am starting to see how COVID-19 keeps spreading and how it will continue to spread.

Is there anything I can do? I'm obviously keeping a lot of distance from my dad, avoiding getting within several meters. I'm assuming he will pick up the virus any moment.
 

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The only thing I can think of is if your mom can stay somewhere else until this goes away.
 

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I'm sorry to hear that story. It is not just older people who have this attitude either.

The only thought that come to my mind is to advise your Mother to confront him and say something like, 'when you behave this way you are not only risking your own life you are risking my life. If you don't care enough about my life to stay home, then I am leaving', and mean it.
 

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My dad (71) was being pretty flippant about things in early March (when it became obvious to me that things were going to get bad). I haven't seen him since then (other than whatsapp). I think now he is taking it more seriously. I was a bit worried because I know some of his friends are not the type to be careful about exposure in public and were still going to want to swing by for a chat. From what I understand though they are doing a good job of isolating.

Maybe a more fruitful line of conversation would be to talk to him about why he went out. If it is because he was feeling lonely/wanted to socialize, maybe help him figure out facetime/video chat with his friends? When trying to influence people, attacking them directly doesn't work. Better to have conversations like 'when you go out and break social distancing, it makes me feel like you don't value my/mother's safety, is that your intent?" I think we need to have a bit of empathy in these situations. Some people are less suited to the isolation and might need more support.
 

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My parents are around 80 and they're going nowhere. We get their groceries, I don't think they've left the house/yard in 3 weeks.
 

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This is one problem with ongoing quarantines, people are yelling and screaming, at the edge of violence.
Domestic violence and other issues are going to flare up.

There are significant (yet small fraction) who think this is all silly and overblown. Not much you can do about it.
What is your mom going to do, leave ? Try to get him thrown out?
 

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Who along with governments could have stopped this virus instead they waited for the world to get the virus then take away our freedoms. A lot of people lost their life to give us our freedoms. We are in a danger zone our freedoms are being taken away. The media & government can not be trusted i.e., having states of emergency for even bogus global warming.

The global warming numbers could not be trusted by our so called scientists, media & government. What makes you think the numbers concerning this virus can be trusted. There are a lot of reports of people not dying of covide that are being reported of Covid to get the numbers up.

Come on they tried to cause panic by hair spray destroying the ozone, The wet lands, acid rain, global warming, Y2K, climate change. It is none stop.

Hundreds of thousands die of the flu every year & our freedoms are not taken away.
 

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Hundreds of thousands die of the flu every year & our freedoms are not taken away.

Hundreds of thousands will still die from the flu every year, as well as many people in accidents, from disease or other reasons.

COVID -19 is just adding to the numbers.......an additional hundreds of thousands. Our healthcare system isn't built to handle that kind of surge.
 

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If he's not symptomatic why not encourage him to go out where he can keep his distance? Go for a drive in the country with a picnic lunch with the wife or go fishing...old farts (and their wives) love ice fishing (I do). Anything is better than watching Price is Right reruns or Netflix.

I usually go mountain biking for a couple hours a day...never see anyone as the trails are still muddy & weather pretty cool. Often I take wifey out to do some 4x4ing in the Jeep with a couple cold road pops in the afternoon...

Lots of things to do without human contact unless you live in a larger city.
 

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Hundreds of thousands die of the flu every year & our freedoms are not taken away.

Hundreds of thousands will still die from the flu every year, as well as many people in accidents, from disease or other reasons.

COVID -19 is just adding to the numbers.......an additional hundreds of thousands. Our healthcare system isn't built to handle that kind of surge.
Deaths from COVID are going to be in the millions. Ontario is projecting best case 0.2-1 death per 1000 population (3k to 15k deaths out of ~15M). Apply that to the world population and you get 1.5M - 7M deaths. When this gets into African/Indian/South American slums it is going to be carnage. A bad flu year is 0.5M deaths, without anywhere near the effort required to keep COVID-19 deaths down to the 1.5-7M range.
 

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When this gets into African/Indian/South American slums it is going to be carnage.
They are already burning bodies in the streets. They aren't equipped for testing, documenting or freezing bodies and the developed world is not available to help.

It's also not on the news because reporters are focused locally and there's no way to get real time data from countries that just aren't testing/treating etc

Word on the street is there might already be marshall law in Brazil
 

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At his age give him the info on what it's like to be intubated.

And if it comes to that his chances of survival would not be good.
 

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They are already burning bodies in the streets. They aren't equipped for testing, documenting or freezing bodies and the developed world is not available to help.

It's also not on the news because reporters are focused locally and there's no way to get real time data from countries that just aren't testing/treating etc

Word on the street is there might already be marshall law in Brazil
It doesn't matter if they are testing or not the tests can not be trusted.

If you go to financial survival network on April 2nd Highimpactvlog has Bill gates on video saying through vaccine they can reduce the worlds population. Bill Gates wants to provide vaccine for everyone, lock down the economy & takeaway freedom of those that do not get vaccinated. Bill gates says this right on video.
 

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Is this behavior new or was he always like that? If it is new it may be a sign of illness or cognitive decline. Or he may think he has very little time left anyway so what the hell.
 

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Is this behavior new or was he always like that? If it is new it may be a sign of illness or cognitive decline. Or he may think he has very little time left anyway so what the hell.
Naw typical older male behaviour.

You have a problem, tough it out, be a man. All that "toxic masculinity" that build the modern world.
 

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You seem to infantilize your dad. Like at 74 he has dementia. What is actually happening, he does what worked for him for 74 years, taking a risk. This time, however, the risk may be too high. What would you do if your brother was a junkie? Eventually, kick him out and watch him overdose from afar. Maybe tough love would work? I do not know about MB, but in ON you can call police on gatherings. A stiff fine could convince him, obviously you will pay for this.

If you can remove your mother from this situation, it would be optimal, and an additional lack of dinner on a table would also be convincing. But I doubt your mother would go for it.

Very often real-life problems have no good solutions.
 
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